CITIZENS RALLYING FOR CHANGE ON ALCOHOL

A recent survey found the percentage of shy teens is about the same as the percentage of shy adults, about 40 percent. And both teens and adults say the same kinds of things make them feel shy—interacting with strangers, talking to authority figures, approaching the opposite sex, for example. But teens experience shyness far more sharply than their grownup counterparts.

Shyness intensifies during periods of transition. Adults may experience shyness after they get a divorce and begin dating again, for instance, or when they lose a job and have to pound the pavement or return to a classroom.

In the vast transitional period of adolescence, shyness intensifies for just about every teenager, but for the 40 percent who are shy, self-consciousness expands to a much higher level. These teens have a lot of trouble with social interactions. They feel powerfully isolated—unable to date, to make conversation, to try new things.

Shyness is often overlooked as a serious issue for teens. Shyness interferes with peer relationships and relationships between students and teachers, coaches, and administrators.  Shyness affects who people are, and who they want to be.

A shy teen might force himself to go to a party or join a club, but when he shows up, he's unable to start a conversation.

Far worse, a teen may turn to "liquid extroversion” meaning alcohol. Twenty-two percent of shy teens say they use drugs and alcohol to deal with their shyness. That’s alarming. We need to find ways to help shy kids understand the nature and dynamics of their shyness. 

As children grow, they become involved in increasingly complex social situations, but many parents and families are not teaching children the skills they need to handle those situations, perhaps because the parents are shy themselves.

By the time a child reaches middle school and high school, the issue is not just who to play with anymore. We expect teens to know how to be interested in other people, how to take the other's perspective. But they lack the skills.

Technology may seem a great coping mechanism for deeply shy teens. Web sites, e-mail, and instant messaging make social interactions much less threatening.

The Internet can eliminate difficult steps for shy people. If you have an interest in anything, the Internet makes it easy to find a chat group who shares that interest, with less chance of rejection.

But the Internet is just communicating, it's not connecting.  At some point shy teens have to log off the computer and log on to life.